I'm asking here because well quite frankly there's very few people I can ask who aren't massively biased in some way. Maybe you're all biased but advice is as worth as much as you pay for it. (My parents will say put a ring on it! Co-workers all Chinese will say put a ring on it).

Anyway.

After fucking upteen WG in HK in 2008.

Returning to the UK I did pretty well there. It did wonders for my confidence. I had a few short term relationships. I left the UK in 2018. But HK, work, protests, covid meant I did very little anything other than go to work, come home for years. I did attract some interest in Guangzhou but the border closures killed that.

Anyway I got introduced to somebody MUCH younger than me end of November 2022. She came over to HK in 2011. We've been 'dating' though to me a UK born Chinese it feels like simply hanging out.

Hanging out means going to expensive restaurants and being left with the bill every time except once when they didn't take my cards.

As above I was born in the western world. I feel like I'm simply being used.

The only thing that has happened is I met her mother. She's 28 and lives at home with her mother.

No holding hands, not even a hug or a kiss or anything. I moved in for a hug and she flopped and kept her arms by her sides.
I go eat and get escorted to the MTR station and then silence until the next time she wants to eat somewhere expensive.
Messages are infrequent except for let's go to restaurant X for whatever.

It's Valentines day on Tuesday and I'm thinking of breaking up with her. What's the problem? I'm not getting any younger and dating here is incredibly dry, I haven't seen anybody since 2018.

So what does everybody think?

Is this the nature of HK dating? How slow it is?

I got suckered in 2015 with a Shanghai woman (in the UK) after 5 months nothing, not even any physical contact. There was always some excuse, but we were only seeing each other once every 2 weeks as I was incredibly busy.

This is just MY personal thoughts on this matter and since you want people opinion I will give my opinion. My advise might not even be the correct one but it is up to you to make the final decision on this matter. Here are my thoughts based on the LIMITED information I got so far.

There is a problem in your relationship and that is a fact. If there wasn't a problem you wouldn't of wasted your time to make a post about it. Subconsciously or consciously you already know she doesn't really love you and is just using you for her own benefit be it monetary or other reasons. You already said she is way younger than you so there is a age gap in your relationship and No holding hands, not even a hug or a kiss or anything after 3 months. I would understand if there no sex since it real dating and just 3 months but (She 28years not 18 year old) this isn't teenage kids but grown adults dating so she should of at least hold your hand or kiss you by the end of the first month. She did introduce you to her mother which is a good thing for her. In China once girls hit around her age the parents will keep nagging the lady to settle down especially around the Lunar New Year time period. Seem to me like you are what she is just gonna settle for. You got a stable career and UK citizenship so she will get the money and UK green card by marrying you even if things don't work out in the end. Things in China isn't looking so good at the moment especially economy wise. Lot of well inform/educated Chinese people want to escape China and not deal with the trouble that gonna hit China.



Here some question I have. On the girl social media does she post pictures of you at all showing the world that you are her boyfriend and she in love with you? Or does she just posted photo of the fancy restaurants she dine at but only herself in the photos? Does she hide you from her social life/social media and if she does hide you than she a shame to be with you.

You don't want to end up as a SIMP for a girl who just gonna drain you for all you got than toss you away at the end. You already said you got sucker in before and if it happen once than it can happen again because honestly from what I can tell you got the too much of a nice guy vibe/personality and people will take advantage of that. You don't want to end up paying for everything just so the girl is really fucking some other guy and having you take care of their kids in the future.

Like I stated above this is just MY thoughts based on my LIMITED information and I CAN BE WRONG but it is up to YOU TO DECIDED. You said you are getting older but we are all getting older. I just turn 30 a short while ago and my parents have been nonstop nagging me to settle also but here the thing. I only got one life to live and I will not settle just so I can regret on my decision in the future. I know my value will keep increasing as time goes on so why should I settle for something less. You should feel the same way. You should believe in yourself and love yourself first before you try to love other. In all my years of having fun I realize if I treat my girlfriends with respect and "SIMP" for them they always end up cheating or breaking up with me. When I don't care about them and love myself instead girls want me instead and chase me.

From what you have said you clearly don't want to just throw this away and would like to try and advance things so why don't you just discuss it with her and let her know what your expectations in a relationship or wife are.

At the 3 month mark emotions should be fairly high so i find it odd she doesn't want to hold your hand or hug in public and fuck like crazy out of public. I get it some girls may not put out but personally I've never come across a girl who doesn't after 3 months of dating* and unless there was a clear reason they weren't I wouldn't be keen on continuing.

But i don't thhink you should just throw it away and would be a dick move to do it on valentines day(unless I misread and valentines day has you thinking about things to do later).

[ Last edited by  booby_lover at 13-2-2023 15:20 ]

Just by listening to your story, i feel like you know the answer already. "breaking up on valentines day"... It doesn't sound like your in a romantic relationship if your only activity with her is going to expensive restaurants, pay the bill and get escorted back to the MTR. Sounds more like just hanging out indeed. So what is there for you to "break up"? Will she be sad that you won't take her out for meals anymore? What I understand here is that two friends occasionally hang out now and then, nothing more nothing less. I don't think you need to bring the 'break up' news to her. Just hang out less and less and see how she reacts. If she likes you she will moan about the lack of attention you give her.

If a girl really likes you, holding hands is inevitable. It's as basic as breathing air. So is a kiss after a couple dates, certainly not after 3 months or longer! Also, when a girl has a good time with you she would text you the moment you both depart AND the next day, and the day after, and the day after that. If she is not texting you, she prob is texting someone else. Texting is too convenient and incorporated into today's society that it doesn't take days. That also counts for the paying part, if a girl really likes the guy she won't mind paying.

Does she ever initiate or try to pay for a meal or suggest other things that shows her affection for u or decides things in your favour? Let me ask you in another way. What are the things that make you believe that she likes you and wants to be in a relationship with you as bf and gf? because dating to me is too broad to determine the closeness of the relationship. The fact that she doesn't hold hands and hug you is a too much of a red flag for me.

[ Last edited by  jayme at 14-2-2023 13:05 ]

Thanks for all your valuable advice.

I think Jayme hit the spot, I think I'll just slowly fade out.

You're from the UK, right? You should know people fuck after a few dates. Until you have sex with her, you're not in a relationship. That's what you should expect. Three months without even kissing is absurd.

I have never been to Hk but to me the problem does not necessarily seem
Hk specific.

Maybe the problem is you, more specifically, either a self imposed limitation, or perhaps a submissive-guy vibe you subconsciously put out, or both.

Are you permitting yourself enough time to go out and find multiple candidate girlfriends?  Because if you only have time to find one, then you tend to become needy with the one that you found, and that neediness can be repulsive in a way to a potential girlfriend.

Next make sure you have and display enough energy.  If possible, Don’t spend all of your time at day job work or thinking about day job work.  Working out at a gym can make you at least look more energetic.  Stand and walk with a straight back.  Take up more space while sitting down.  In parties keep on the move and stay mentally alert, avoiding alcohol if necessary.

Maybe you are meeting the wrong girls in the wrong circles for the type of relationship that you want.  what are your solid hobbies?  For example, Do you like cooking?  Hiking? Small dogs?  Big dogs?  Robot dogs?

After identifying your non-work interests, get involved in the hobby meetups cia online groups.  Find suitable girlfriend candidates in those groups.  

Identify your limits.  How many dates before a first kiss?  First fuck?  Make hard limits and stick to them.  At the same time, invest in meeting multiple girls at the same time.  This requires more time and energy but you need to do it.  If it sounds like a slog, make a game out of it to trick your mind into doing it with some passion (time and energy).

Be alert.  Good candidates are soon snapped up by alert guys.  You want to be one of those alert guys.

Check out university student hang-out places (physical and online).  You have an advantage that guy students do not: a day job that gives you some disposable income.  Use your advantages strategically (don’t get led on for too long).

The Hk girl sounds as if she has a secret sd or chad, and she was using you to as a potential respectable suitor to take the pressure off that her mother had been applying to her to find a respectable suitor.  She can’t introduce her sd or chad to her mother because he would not be considered suitable to the mother.  In fact, he would bring shame to her family.  Signs of this might include lack of commitment translated into inability to schedule time with you, surreptitious phone calls, multiple cell phones, retail therapy, taste for expensive clothes and accessories, wearing expensive jewelry, disregard for need to save money, apparent lack of sex drive, weird out of place behavior such as sudden preferences for odd music and movies, and so on.

Anyway you might need to re invent yourself.  That takes some effort, so make sure you give it an honest shot before giving up on the notion.

I hope you made the call to do something about the situation.

I noticed this seems to happen more often in HK than in other countries. My HK friend has a theory that often coupled are both living at home with parents and dating can be quite platonic. Not holding hands or texting in between is BS though. HK girls that like you text back quick.

A few pointers from my experiences:

- being older is not as big a deal as in western countries. As long as you have a good job, money and prospects. You have the upper hand. Always keep that in mind. There really are plenty of options there.
- you need to take the lead with HK girls. Be direct and if sex isn't happening verbalize that as a problem.
- be prepared to move on and tell her that. She will fuck to keep those meals coming. Whether you keep going with that is a different question.

Just remember HK girls are generally passive. You have the upper hand so just verbalize what you want.

While it's not quite as quick as in the western world, HK girls who date an expat or foreigner will fuck.

My last two CmB dates. One girl we made out on second date and she sucked my cock (yes and swallowed). Another one took longer. Made out after three dates, fingered her and fucked on fourth. Both HK girls. Both happened after an expensive meal.

Good luck with it!

So what happened? We broke up for 2 weeks. Bump into her at K11, oddly enough as I was having a look at JSL didn't visit any WG though. Masks off meant she recognised me immediately we have tea (as in tea not food), we talk things over.

Did some cheap dates (cycling, hiking) made out and a bit later went to my place.

Talking to her about it, her first and only BF a 100% HK bro had no experience. No warm up he just rammed her with it. She 'researched' via porn and saw the same hard fast ramming and kindof assumed it was all like that.

Kennichi let's just say has considerably more experience and literally had the police visit when they thought somebody was being murdered in my apartment

First off thank you for sharing and keeping us in the loop even when you don't have to. Much appreciated.

Your post isn't that clear to me so correct me if I am wrong anywhere. You guys broke up 2weeks ago but somehow a few days later ran in to each other in HK which is very lucky. You guys talk it out and got back together with each other and at least made out and might even did the deed back in your place.


Just MY thoughts and nothing more.
Seem like the end result of you dumping her made her realize you aren't just a SIMP to be toy around with. If she want to keep the benefit of being your girlfriend she has to prove it to you in ways that a girlfriend should and she did.


If you are happy Kennichi than I am happy for you.