I am a newbie to this hobby and seeking to pop my cherry for the first time in a month when I am in HK.

I am 34 yr and have been with my current partner for close to 10 yrs, prior to meeting my partner my sex drive was very high as a normal 20 something year old. Even tho my partner enjoys Sex  it can get painful for my partner so many times when we start we have to either stop prematurely and end it with a BBBJ or most of the time just stop all together. In between its a lot of start and stopping and most of the time I am left unfinished having to pleasure myself.

Over the years sex has seem to be more of a chore than something I look forward too and typically i can get hard quite easily but have a hard time keeping it and have found myself questing if it is me and my sex drive has gone to shit or is it sex with my partner?. Part of me thinks my sex drive is fine because I have the need the self pleasure myself daily and quite enjoy it but I relay on porn which I consume a lot of and have heard can mess with your brain chemistry and many men find themselves not being able to perform during the real deal due to porn.  

Off-course the thought of being with someone else is super exciting but part of the reason I want to try this hobby is to see how I would do and test things. I really wonder if I am like this with my partner only or because of my age my drive has just shifted.

Has anyone else gone thru something similar?

This is hard, I had a similar conversation… just try and see you may find it helps ur relationship I did.

While mongering also changes your brain, it does not effect it in the same physiological way as porn/masturbation. Most of the girls are much more like real girls and not idealized girls as is in much of porn. Also, it's the same physical act when mongering as opposed to a different act. I read an article from a sex therapist awhile ago about the differences between porn and sex and his advice was that while porn is OK, you should minimize or eliminate masturbating while watching it and only cum when you are with a women. Sounds like good advice.