Married Mongerers, what sort of precautions do you take during your activities to ensure you're never found out? Those of you who have not been found out, how long have you managed to keep your hobbies discreet? Who of you have been found out despite your best efforts and how did it happen?

I've only been doing this secretly for a couple of months. Here's some things I'm doing as a precaution

* I have a shirt I keep aside specially for meeting girls. I leave it at work. If it gets a perfume smell or lipstick on it, it's no problem, because I won't be bringing it home to be found anyway. I'm still not sure what I'll do when it comes time to wash the thing. Hand wash at work maybe? Hang it up to dry over my desk chair?

* I try to minimise the risk of STDs. I don't accept BBBJ. I have been enjoying DFK and DATY though, and I'm considering cutting that out.

* I have NFI what to do about herpes or warts. So far I'm just hoping the pussy checks and before/after showers help, and hoping that if I do get something anyway and give it to my wife, that we'll both be asymptomatic and never know about it. Wishful thinking.

* I use porn mode browsers on my phone and home computer for viewing this site

* I go to the gym regularly and keep that as an alibi for why I'm home late and why I've just had a shower. I also make sure I do actually go to the gym and shower afterwards so the soap smell is exactly the same as on a real gym night.

* If I'm arranging an affair with a civvie, I don't give them my number or any way of reaching me but specialised private email/skype accounts. I'm careful to always dial 113 (block number) before calling them. There should be no way for them to ever reach me when my wife could notice it.

* Kind of the most basic, obvious requirement: I'm not admitting anything to her anymore. I used to be a big fan of honesty. But after seeing the results of that philosophy, I now I think it's overrated when your happiness and pleasure in life is at stake. It's needlessly cruel to try to wake your partner up to the reality that men desire and need other women if they can't figure out that obvious fact themselves.

How about the rest of you? Got any tips to help a fellow cheating, no-good jerk of a husband out?

edit: forgot a couple more:

* Started getting brazillian waxed. Saves having to worry about crabs.

* I budget myself only $100/week, saving up for punts in hopes that it'll go unnoticed (wife keeps track of our finances).

[ Last edited by  pijyske at 24-6-2012 10:51 ]

This isn't a tip but I'm just wondering when you take all these precautions all the time do you actually have fun punting ?
and if you only budget $100 a week for punting you probably only punt once a month and you're certainly not getting any civi girls on this budget ...

$100 a week? I'm guessing that is USD?

Nope, $HK100. It's fortunate that HK WGs are cheap More than 1/month is probably not great for me anyway - it's not just money I'm spending, it's time I also don't have much of to spare. Bummer that that translates to very slow karma gain on here though.

True, it hugely restrains my civvie possibilites. That's fine, because civvies who want lots of money thrown at them are too much work anyway.

There's a trade-off between fun and risking getting caught. I might not be maximising my fun to its full potential, but my ultimate priority is not getting caught. I'm getting the most fun I feel is attainable get within those constraints. And I still find what I'm getting is pretty satisfying. A damned sight more satisfying than being monogamous anyway.

Anyway, this isn't about me. I'm wondering what other folks here do to avoid getting caught.

You need an expensive hobby that does not produce tangible assets. I suggest something like watching football at a bar with the boys. That way you have an excuse for dropping more cash somewhere a couple times a month. How is she to know how many drinks and munchies you had watching the footy? A couple of pretend trops to the bar, and you've got another 141 trip paid.

* If you tend to favor a certain sauna, a certain girl, a certain civvie, then take note of the brand of soap they have and get the same one at home.
* Get a phone that supports 2 sim cards at the same time.
* For the gf/wife and STD issues, plan your punts so that you're doing it on the first day of their periods or close to right before. This way there's little chance she'll be hitting you up for sex for a few days. This will give you some time to notice any symptoms if you've caught something.
* Get another bank account.
* If your employer is sophisticated, they can setup a split-direct-deposit. The next time you get a raise, put the extra in the new account only without telling your SO about the raise.
* If not, you can set your online banking up to pay your other account as a bill each month, make up some new membership.
* Another way to siphon your own money into another account under the watch of an SO is to setup a paypal account with a name of your choosing then bill yourself (your other self). If you want to go through the hassle you could even setup a merchant account and have it auto bill you each month.
* For those that have the funds and aren't financially watched by the SO, setup a different apartment. If you have monger friends locally, split the cost. Put the apartment right next to the red light district of your choice, or next to the club of choice where you prey on civvies.

I dunno. Those ideas produce some pretty serious paper trails. What you need to do isthink like a money launderer. How do you get your money to cash, and show that youhave spent it. If you ou in a separate account, and hen she sees that record some day, she'll want to know where it went. What you need is a place where you can slowly drain money out of your account to something that she cannot see or touch, but which you can say you spent it. Like you can say you spent it on drinks, or food, or horses at the track. Something hat you can say you used cash on that disposed of it. Anything that produces a paper trail is a bad idea.

Same with the second apartment. That's going to e a hard one to explain If she ever finds out. I'd stick with motels that take cash. Cash is king. Cash is untraceable. Anything that leaves a paper trail is bad. Anything on a credit card is bad. Telephone recordsare bad.

The key is plausible deniability. Make it so there is nothing she can ever find that can definitively prove you are lying. Physical evidence is the enemy.

I take it you used to punt openly, rather than seriously? Tell us about how it used to be for you, bro!

@ Intenseslacker: Great points. Slow draining of funds is how I'm currently operating. Transport fares, weekly office gambling games etc. I think I can excuse around $100/week plausibly. But it'd be great to find more excuses. Going out on the town semi-regularly is a great idea. I'll be looking to put aside some work-related reimbursements now and then too.

CunningLinguist: Going a little off topic, I don't want to be too detailed on here given it's a possible way to trace my account to the real me. But basically, I've visited places of ill repute in the past and owned up to it on the basis that honesty is of prime importance in a relationship. The results were ugly. After years now of talking about it and trying to negotiate something that everyone can be comfortable with, it's clear that she's never going to accept my needs for this sort of thing.

I see it as a choice of a) punting openly and losing most of what I care about; b) not punting and miserably resisting the urge; c) throwing away everything so I can punt freely; d) punting in secret. d) is the only option which has any chance of giving everybody happiness. It seems sometimes dishonesty is the best option, especially when dealing with people who just can't accept reality.

If you're living with someone who can't accept reality, the first thing you have to do is ringfence your reality from theirs, and that basically means
  time, and
  money

It's vitally essential for you to separate your finances, at least, enough for you to do what you need to do.  

Since - for you - that means undoing past decisions, you're right not to change it all overnight.  Best to build up gradually finding incremental opportunities to gain more freedom and control.  

If you introduce changes stepwise, bit by bit, you have a good chance of moving to a more comfortable arrangement without ever having to face a blowup.  

End of the day, you have to be very clear what is your priority: if your priority is to maintain your marriage, and make it a happy one (for both of you), you do also have to look after yourself at the same time.  Building a track-record for being just a little bit unavailable, a little bit unpredictable, a little bit absent-minded about when you show up and what you share about your day, is best done gradually over a period of months.

I pity you if your wife's surveillance is at that level of granularity.

The standard deviation on say one's lunch expenditure easily falls within $100/week level.

On the topic, you might want to rent a permanent locker at a gym or elsewhere to hold anything that could hold you accountable. Spare phone/simcard/clothes (if you don't have an office).

yeah

So the other thing you need to start to get is
  boisterous beer-drinking friends, and
  client entertainment

Both of those give you the space you need to spend unspecified amounts of money (you simply have to get your round in, it would be socially unacceptable to freeload on your mates), stay out after work for a few hours, and come home smelling of things she doesn't like.  

Depending on the level of mistrust, your wife might want to be invited out a couple of times to meet your friends ... I'm sure some of the bros here would help you out ... after a couple of boring evenings discussing sport in a lick-and-spittle environment full of smoke and the smell of beer should be enough to put her off following you around.  Once she says she doesn't want to go with you, you're on a roll.  

Come to that, I've lost count of the number of times I've been approach to join the Masons ...
Each time the pitch (to both me and to my SO) is that you have to commit to being out of the house one evening a month to carry out a variety of ancient and arcane rituals that only men are ever allowed to see.  Cracks me up every time!!   I mean once a month isn't anywhere near enough for me, but it sets the right tone of being obligated to go out and no Honey I'm not allowed to say what I was doing for four hours last night.  

If you want to increase your 'cash spend', you can tell the wife you have found a personal trainer to work out with a the gym, someone who does it for cash, perhaps once a week, or twice a month or something. But don't say it is an employee at the gym because this will be traceable, say it is some other gymuser or someone you met through work, who does it cheaper than the gym's personal trainer rates.

The bro's idea about a locker at the gym may not be a good idea, in the event something happens to you, the gym will call her in to clear your stuff and then… if you can rent a locker somewhere else that isn't traceable, much better.

If you use protection at all times then the risks are reduced…but sadly not eliminated. Also if you have a piss asap after the deeds are done, it helps flush out bacteria…again not failsafe but every little helps!

If you are worried about STDs, say you think you've picked up something, and you can't avoid sex with your wife without suspicion being aroused, then 'I've done my back in at the gym, or too stressed cos of work' …. or…there is a male hair regrowth treatment called Proscar with warnings about the negative effect it can have on pregnant women or women who may become pregnant - …tell her you've started using it and it means you must use condoms with her… a bit drastic but hey when your happiness is at stake you gotta be inventive…also this treatment is known to reduce male libido etc so you have an excuse for not wanting sex while your std is being sorted…you don't actually have to take the treatment ofcourse, just tell her you've been trying it out because you don't want to be a bald headed bastard anymore lol!

I, too, have decided against honesty in this situation. Too much to lose. Punting and shagging other women is necessary for my mental well being. I'm a much better person to be around when I am enjoying different women physically. There's not many wives who will ever understand that. For all I know, maybe mine might understand, but hell, bros, I just couldn't take the risk and tell her. Too much to fucking lose if it blows up in my face.

If you must store any numbers on your phones, put the number in using a code, for example say the last 4 digits of the number is 3456, enter it as 3467, i.e. the last two digits are increased by one, - it means you will have to manually dial the number and then delete records of calls made. A small hassle, but it means if your wife finds the phone and dials your stored numbers she won't get through to your WGs or civvy shags - she might of course get through to some other wg or women, but they are unlikely to know you!

The best we can do is concientiously cover our tracks, and hope like fuck we don't catch stds.  

Raj

I loved this listing of our domestic-life options.  Bang on true for 90% of married men.  Make your choice, plan for it, live with it.  Remember as well, many women may believe their SO is cheating but don't want to KNOW.  This is a crucial difference.  They can live with believing - denial is a powerful tool - but may not be able to handle knowing (pride, face, peer-pressure, etc.).   So they WANT to believe your lies, and maybe not ask obvious questions that they won't like the asnwer to.

Anyway -- HK100 a week????  WTF?!!?  That's 3 Starbucks cappuccinos.  I spend that daily just on coffee.  More actually.  If you can't extract more than that of YOUR OWN MONEY than you have seriously crawled into a submissive corner with your SO.  You need to start digging your way out of that hole.  My SO never knows how much cash we have, how much I spend, where I spend it, etc.  She has access to all the cash she needs at any time to buy whatever she (or the household) needs.  So she needs no further detail or explanation.    And she doesn't ask.  

Another tip:  separate work and home completely!  Do not introduce your SO to anyone at work.  This way you can use work as a great excuse ALL the time (dinners, meetings, working late, trips to Beijing, whatever) and she has no "insider" to leak information (accidentally or not).  My SO has been here four years and never met a single co-worker.  This, more than anything, opens up TONS of free time...

... get an Android phone and instal a high-end call-blocker with private SMS mailbox

curtails accidental calls from your girls, as well as making it possible to receive and reply to SMS at your convenience without them being visible

[ Last edited by  DArtagnan at 25-6-2012 11:29 ]

Learn how to lie. It's much easier for the ones we love to discover our "tells". The closer you are to the TRUTH, the less you have to lie. The less you have to lie....the better you are at doing it. Making stories up, might end up getting you into more hot water. Trying to remember details of said lies, etc etc etc.
That being said. even if you've been found out. NEVER admit to lying.

~UD

Yes. This is key. Short of her walking in on you with your cock in a WGs mouth, never admit anything ever. When you lie, keep it simple and stick to it, no matter what. Once you admit a lie, even a small one, the whole house of cards comes down.

Never, ever, give up the truth.

Get another credit card. Apply for electronic statements. Forget paper statements, those are not friendly to the environment
Make many friends who can give you alibi just in case...

Rule number one: never ever ever ver give your SO access to your accounts... Ever.
Rule number two: keep the lies simple. The more complicated they get, they more chances she'll have to catch you. Drinks with office friends or colleagues travelling is perfect, she doesnt know them and doesnt need to and you have to pay them a beer or something. Btw, the smell of alcohol usually is stronger than the one of perfume. Drinka beer once your done and eat some crappy finger food you'll smell like a Mc adonald kitchen, perfect!

100% agree with Wander, they are in denial. Let them stay there and you'll be fine. They know, they dont want to learn about it! They are not stupid, they even outsmart us 99% of the time but their nice enough to let us think they dont... Just dont give her a reason and you'll be fine.