Scraping the bottom of the beer barrel, to be exact. It’s Oktoberfest in Munich. As I can’t drink beer all day, and I was feeling the itch - and I did have some back and shoulder pain - I thought I’d try my luck. The good old squeaky clean state of Bavaria prides itself on being a bit more orderly than the rest of the country and most massage places do seem to be genuinely veggie. Unless they are in clearly defined areas where prostitution is permitted - and priced higher. So I won’t put the addresses here but PM if you need them, though I doubt there will be takers.

Date & Time of Session:  late Sept. 2017
Name:  The boss
Age: I really don’t want to know
Face:  2.5/5
Body:  0.5/5
Skill: 2/5
Service: 1.5/5
GFE: 1/5
Price & Session Length:  EUR 50 / 60 min.
Repeat: nein danke

I chose the first place because it actually looked a a bit seedier than many of the others. Walk in and three ladies are present - none of them spring chickens. The youngest looking one - and I’m talking 40+ - says it’s her turn and escorts me to a small room in the back. She’s wearing a short black dress. Doesn’t look therapeutic so I’m reckoning something might be on the cards. However she quotes EUR 70 for 30 minutes. I say that’s ridiculous as most massage places only want 40-50 for an hour. She gets pissed off and says I have to talk to the „boss“. The boss is quite striking. She was probably a stunner once and still has luscious long black wavy hair. She’s also built like a beer barrel but she does agree to an hour for 50. Oh well, at least good for my back. She tells me to strip off completely - „We’re all adults here“ - and gets down to work. Frankly the massage is poor, but even a mediocre rub is still quite relaxing. After a while she gets all talkative and starts telling me all her problems and business not good, despite Oktoberfest and a several hotels close by. She tells me to flip and as the hands do occasionally get close to the nether regions, LB (naughty boy) starts to grow. „This too?“ she asks, grabbing it. Well, if you’re asking. She puts several paper towels on my belly to catch the mess and gets down to it. I came. It was about as functional as it gets. She told me I should come back whenever I need a massage. Not sure if I will.

Date & Time of Session:  late Sept. 2017
Name:  like a famous Austrian princess
Nationality & Language: Chinese, Speaks English and German
Age: 40ish
Face:  2/5
Body:  2/5 -
Skill: 4/5
Service: 3/5
GFE: 2/5
Price & Session Length:  EUR 70 / 60 min.
Repeat: maybe

A few days later. I don’t know about you guys but I get these frisky periods that can last about a week and my dick gets to make decisions. It also chose the second place because it looked sleazy as well, i.e. like any other Chinese massage parlour with pix of serene asian masseuses on the window and lots of blinking lights. A friendly mummy looking Chinese lady greets me at the desk. EUR 48 for an hour. Again, the place is divided into rooms; no curtains. I was hoping some cute young thing might come out of a back room to service me but it’s the lady from the desk. I decide to go naked. She’s easy going though, speaks decent German and even better English - and she gives a damn good massage. We chat a bit and she’s quite confident and responsive and laughs a lot. Though she’s not a looker and not dressed to seduce, when it gets to the legs, there is the occasional slight brush of the balls. It’s like being back in HK. I know the playbook. I give the occasional whimper of pleasure back. The fingers wander closer and dance across my backside. She knows I’m her bitch. Time to flip. LB is flying its flag and she laughs. Here too? She wants 50 on top but I have a great excuse. I really only do have 70 with me. She relents. Next time more! but she’s actually quite apologetic after the deed. 70 was good all along. The HJ is pretty good and I explode after a while with more intensity than I have for quite a while. So all in all, a good massage with a satisfying release. I might be back. Just wish she were 20 years younger with a great face and a tight dress. Attitude-wise she’s a great woman.